Second Week Home--What Was I Thinking?

On Sunday, two children were running a fever. We begin about 10 days of someone getting sick with a sore throat, fever and congestion. It's just what a jet-lagged mom needs! We had planned to visit Gramma, so I stayed home with Jackson and Alicia while the rest of the family went to visit. Ethan meets Gramma! She is so excited to meet him. It was a pretty short visit, but Rob said that Ethan did well. Gramma sent home some toys and Uncle Matt and Aunt Susan had left some gifts, too. They visited from Colorado while we were in China. Ethan likes toys and doesn't seem overwhelmed by the noisy ones, so he really enjoys them. I am amazed that he has a long attention span, longer than his siblings at 2. He can play with nesting blocks for a really long time without being bored. Maybe it's less tv, or less exposure to toys, but I try to leave him alone and let him play!

I had originally scheduled two doctors appointments about 2 weeks apart. However, the one specialist appointment was moved, so we had two appointments in one week. I don't recommend this because it was overwhelming for Ethan and for me. The first appointment was with the pediatrician. This was a long appointment and in the end, Ethan needed two needle sticks for blood and 4 immunizations. Ouch! I remembered being teary with my oldest at his shots, but after that, just a calm mom who soothes crying babies with the next three. By the time we got to Ethan's shots, 2.5 hours after arriving at the office, I did cry. I think I was still emotionally exhausted which didn't help. Overall, all of his tests are fine and it was a good check up. Our next appointment is in 6 weeks!



The second appointment, two days later, was with the orthopedic surgeon. He looked at Ethan's hands, took x-rays, and recommended a series of surgeries to separate his fingers. This one only took 1.5 hours start to finish. These new places and strange doctors took its toll on Ethan and he slept a lot this week--long naps, sleeping in late mornings.



On Saturday, Alicia was swimming in a meet out of town, so we--Alicia and a friend and I, spent the Saturday away. My middle child--the most middle-child personality of all of my kids, needed a day alone with mom. We got up at 4AM, drove to the meet and she was in the water at 7AM. Rob and the rest of the family had a nice day at home to relax and think about our next vehicle purchase. Yes, we finally need something bigger. We can't put it off any longer. I really overestimated my energy level and was really tired and crying on Saturday night. I want to able to do more, but I'm really not ready. I'm trying to be more careful for Ethan, but he's not the only one making an adjustment.

Overall, I ended the week wondering what I was thinking. I definitely did too much too soon. I haven't even written about our attempts to get schooling complete. All of the children are doing math and personal reading, but I'll take on more next week.

First Week Home--Eat Sleep Play

Okay, I have to admit that we have now been home three weeks, and I did not journal any for the first week. I was just too tired. Jackson and I had the hardest time getting back on the right time zone. I would wake up COMPLETELY awake at 3 AM for the longest time. I didn't want to wake up my darling hubby who had to go to work, or Ethan who needed to be in the right time zone, so I got up and watched a movie, and went back to bed. This went on for several days. I would get so tired that I would sleep a full night and think I was "cured," but fall back into the same routine for a few more days. I was well into the second week until I could sleep normally.

Jackson kept falling asleep before dinner, but he was waking up in the middle of the night and playing in his closet. His sisters told on him, so I eventually kept him up after dinner, put him in my bed, made sure he was asleep by 10 and didn't let him get up. One night of this cured his time zone issues.

We tried to keep the family routine very simple. I did take the kids out to music lessons and swim practice, but that was the only visiting or travelling we did. Ethan slept, ate and played on the rug in the kitchen. Most visitors saw him in the high chair or on the play rug. He also liked to zoom around the house inside and out in a red coupe.

On the first day, he asked for BaBa most of the day. On Wednesday, I took him to Rob's work for a visit during swim team. He happily came back to me when it was time to pick him up. With most strangers, Ethan would not make eye contact and wanted to be held by me or Rob. We tried to keep the visiting small and infrequent and on our own turf.

During the first week, we were looking at pictures and video of the trip. We watched the gotcha day video and Ethan climbed up on Rob's lap. He began to chew on his hand. I mean really chew on it. It was immediately red. I finally understood the condition of his hand when he first came to us. For the first week in China, I put Neosporin on Ethan's hand, the one where he had surgery at 8 months. I couldn't figure out why it was still raw when it had clearly healed and scarred from the surgery. I noticed the redness in pictures while we were waiting, too. When Ethan is REALLY REALLY upset, he chews on this hand. This was so sad to me. I just wanted to scoop him up and comfort him, to let him know it's okay. I haven't seen this again, but I will surely be watching for it.

Other than a few events, the first week is a blur of not sleeping well, drinking lots of coffee and really enjoying being with all the children.

Flying Home

Home today! I am so ready to be with my other children. I really miss them! We begin with an early morning check out. We have some fruit in the room, so that will be a snack until we check in at the airport. Unfortunately, we are out of box milks for Ethan and he gets grumpy before we can find him some milk. We take a shuttle to the airport and check in our luggage. We go through security and then have plenty of time at the gate. We eat at a McDonalds in the airport and let Jackson pick out something at the Hong Kong Disney store. He chooses a remote controlled car, one more bag to keep up with on the plane, but he is really pleased with it. Also, once we reach Detroit, the package is thoroughly examined, I suppose because of the remote control.

We board the plane and have another search of our carry-on. This makes 3 searches, one at customs, one through security and one here at the gate. It's okay, though; I'm just ready to be in the air. This is a long flight, but we have on demand movies, tv and games, so Jackson and Rob are entertained through the whole flight. Since Ethan is over 2, we have a seat for him, but we don't' use it the entire flight. We have 3 together near the window and one on the center row at the aisle. However, Jackson won't go to that seat and Ethan won't let Rob or me leave him, so we are cozy in the row. It's actually fairly comfortable since we are all together and can spread out. I don't sleep at all on the flight, but Jackson sleeps the last 3 hours and Ethan sleeps twice.

Once we land in Detroit, we get all of our luggage and go through customs. It takes a long time since one lane processes the adoption Visas. Once we are through, Ethan is a US citizen. We load our luggage back on a conveyor, check in for the domestic flight and go through security AGAIN. We are at the gate with a few minutes to spare, but the flight is delayed by one hour. This flight feels like we are taking off and landing. Ethan bounces in the seat beside Rob most of the trip. Describing this seems like it was easy, but it was actually really tiring. The trip takes over 24 hours and we have an hour drive until we are at home. Once in Charlotte, we load up the van and drive home.

At home, we have a great welcome! My friends have left a refrigerator full of food, enough for the weekend at least so I don't have to go to the store, a meal for the evening and a basket of goodies, snacks and other surprises. What a relief! I have such good friends. Thanks GGs. My parents bring over the oldest three and we all have dinner.

My bed has never felt so good. I sleep until early morning and Ethan sleeps beautifully through the night. He never has a hard time adjusting to the time, but it will take me weeks! More on that later. For now, I am home with my whole family, completely happy and exhausted.

Heading Home

Hong Kong and Train Station Purgatory

We spend most of the day packing, weighing the suitcases and repacking. We buy an extra bag because we don't want to carry on too much this time. I think keeping up with two boys will be enough, especially getting through security with a lot of stuff. I already did that on the way and it was difficult. The group is travelling together to the train station and then the Marriot near the airport in Hong Kong. The hotel has an indoor pool and we should arrive for an early dinner, so I pack the swimmy diapers, hoping we will finally get a chance to swim. It turns out that this was very wishful thinking.

We take a bus to the Consulate to pick up our brown envelopes. Then we go the train station. We pay a porter to take our luggage so that we don't have to have it with us. It turns out the train was not very crowded and it would have been fine to have it with us. I also realize that we have paid $80 each for tickets that were only $20. I'm feeling really grumpy about the expensive travel in a very inexpensive country these last few days. Everything has been marked up ridiculously and we have been treated to "tourist" shopping which is US prices. I suppose since Rob has been here on business and had a taste of how the Chinese really live and work and shop, it's harder for us to be tourists.

The ride is comfortable and we have a chance to see some scenery as we travel. Ethan is happy on the ride and takes a nap during the second half. Jackson naps, too. When we arrive at the train station, it is an awful experience. We go through customs without any problem, just a wait in a line and a look our passports. We are supposed to meet a bus at A1. This is a bit of a walk, and we head to A1. Unfortunately, the bus is right outside the terminal where we arrived. We spend 2 hours calling the hotel, moving to different terminals and waiting. I am ready to get a cab and leave the group when the bus finally arrives. The manager of the Marriot apologizes, doesn't charge us for the bus and gives us dinner at the buffet for free. I'm so tired at this point, I would have preferred room service and a shower, but we eat at check into our room about 10 PM.

Okay, honestly, if I had this to do over again, I would just fly out of GZ. Adding this trip and the expensive hotel in HK, I don't think we saved any money flying out of Hong Kong. Plus, we began our long flight home really tired from the day before.

Safari Park

Jan 26th

We have a free day today. The rest of the group is going to a park and Buddhist temple, but we really need a low-key family day. Jackson has been dragged around in the middle of the night (for him), waiting in offices, eating strange food and not liking much of it. It's been hard for him, and overall, he's done great. He has certainly complained and cried, but he hasn't said anything I haven't thought during this trip. It's hard to say if I would take him again. The travel was very very difficult for him. But the bonding with Ethan and our transition was really good. Overall, even though it would have been much easier for me, I think I'd bring him again because it was easier for Ethan. So, I decided that the trip to the Safari Park would be an easy day for Jackson. He could see what he wanted, feed the giraffes as long as he wanted, get whatever from the gift shop (nothing was very expensive because this wasn't directed to American tourists) and have ice cream several times.

So, that's what we did. This was a great zoo, with Pandas, koalas, tigers, gorillas, elephants, monkeys, a great variety of animals. We could pay a few dollars at several stations and feed the animals. So, we fed the elephants bananas, the monkeys bananas and the giraffes leaves. I loved the Pandas; it was definitely the highlight of the day. We had a train ride to see large animals in a safari setting. It was a great day, partly because we got to come and go as we pleased. I think it's hard being with a group all of the time. This park also had a circus, amusement rides, a water park and some hotels, but we just went to the zoo.

Sickness and Sight-Seeing

Jan 24th

Today is a day of shopping, touring a folk-art museum, a building that had been a family home, school and Buddhist temple in the past. We went to lunch for Chinese, but this food was all highly fried. It was very different from any other Chinese food I had. It was not healthy and the fried food made me sick. I think it may have been for foreigners, but I'd rather have regular Chinese food. The simple meat and vegetables, followed by rice or noodles is a very healthy way to eat. This was the beginning of a 2 day illness that lingered for the rest of the trip. Maybe it was some lettuce I had on a hamburger at an American style restaurant. Maybe I forgot about the water when I was brushing my teeth. However I got the water, I was very very sick. Thankfully, Rob took the boys out for a walk or shopping while I laid in the bed and wanted to die. Anything to stop the sickness! With enough Immodium and no eating, I struggled through the next few days. I got very homesick for the rest of my children on these days and really just wanted to be home. My attitude about all things Chinese was not good for these days. At least the children didn't get this. It would have been really difficult.

Jan 25th Consulate Appointment

After a quick trip back to the medical clinic to read the TB test, we have the afternoon before leaving for the Consulate Appointment. About 30 families all gather to take an oath to say that we won't abandon our child and we haven't lied on our documents. Everything has been turned in and we wait to pick up our brown envelope with the approved Visa and Immigration papers that we need to return home. We will get this in 2 days. Because I'm still sick, this is all I can manage to do today. I am so ready to go home!

Church

Jan 23rd



Rather than sight-seeing our group agrees to go to church. I've suggested it because I really wanted to return. Over four years ago, while visiting the White Swan, we attended church right outside the backdoor of the hotel. They have a service in English and Chinese and this was THE MOMENT when I knew we were coming back one day to adopt. So, I had to go to church. The service is about 90 minutes with English praise songs and a translated sermon. This was a very Calvinist sermon about total depravity with the hope of a Savior in Christ. It was short and sweet, but so refreshing to me. Also, there is something powerful about singing "How Great Thou Art" in many languages together. I've sung with Chinese, German, Russian and English. It seems to be a hymn that all believers know. The last part of the service is a special group singing only in Chinese, but I didn't care. Eventually, our boys got wiggly and we left a few minutes early, but it was a great morning for me.

I've noticed a few signals that Ethan is not comfortable yet, or still adjusting. I know it's only been a week and this process takes time, but a mom can't help but notice. Actually these are good clues because I see them at home recur when we are doing too much or taking on too many new situations.

Shoes--Ethan loves his shoes. He doesn't want to take them off, even when he's sleeping --or he wants to hold them while he sleeps.

Food--Ethan is not picky about eating and doesn't gorge himself, but he is a little chipmunk. After he's full, he continues to stuff his cheeks with food. When he doesn't like something, he will eat it but now swallow. After most meals, I hold out my hand and let him spit it out. I've learned to be careful because he will hold the food for a long time, even when he goes down to sleep. He doesn't mind spitting it out, thankfully. He's still doing this after being home several weeks.

Sleep--During the first few days, Ethan wanted no socks or shoes and no blanket when he slept. He actually wanted as little clothing as possible. He would not cuddle with me and would not let me cover him with a blanket. He just needed a thumb and some space. After three weeks home, he has a better routine with kisses and cuddles, and he lets me cover him with a blanket. He likes someone in the room when he's falling asleep and a lot of darkness. His crib is in our bedroom, so usually, I just rest on the bed until he falls asleep. It doesn't take him long as long as it's dark and quiet. Even though he's tall enough and plenty strong, he has never tried to climb out of the crib. I think the sleep routine is my best indicator that he's settling in with us.