The Two Hardest Days

Civil Affairs

Ethan begins to warm up to us. He is comfortable with Jackson and Rob can coax a smile out of him. Breakfast is fun because I'm looking for food that he likes. He likes everything! He likes fruit, eggs and something that looks like watery grits. We have paperwork to do in two offices today. I put Ethan in a baby wrap, one I've used for my kids and toddlers and he's happy to be close. I'm sure he will soon be too restless for this; afterall he is two and most two year-olds want their freedom, but he's okay with it for now. Once we get to the Civil Affairs office the orphanage director meets us as soon as the door opens. She is very glad to see GuoQiang and wrestles him from the wrap. He's a bit tangled up and I'm very surprised. While we wait to do the paperwork (about one hour), she is totally in charge of Ethan. I'm consoling myself saying, "We get to have him forever," but later I'm worried that she's interuppting the bonding process. But, I do get to see some of the games she plays with him and it's nice to see his personality. It's so happy and playful.

We check and re-check the paperwork. We have to make one change and everything has to be re-typed again. Once it is finished, we have an official adoption certificate. The woman who has overseen it says, "You are officially his parents. Congratulations!"

When we begin to leave to go do some other paperwork, the director tries to take Ethan with her in her car. I'm getting Jackson settled in the van and begin to protest! The Civil Affairs officer says no, she can't take him and I'm so relieved. Now, I am offically freaked out. I'm just too tired and emotionally spent to think rationally. I was really afraid that she would take him back! Now that seems really silly, but I was overspent. After the second appointment where we kept Ethan closer to us, he is upset to see her leave, but we can console him and he's not angry like he was the day before.

We go to a mall with a lot of American stores. They have a Crocs store, Old Navy, Disney and several nice restaurants. We treat Jackson to KFC. Rob and I don't eat at KFC at home anymore (since losing weight and being healthier), but something familar was welcome. The fast food restaurants have picture menus. Ordering is no problem because all you have to do is point to what you want. The prices in the mall are along the lines of American so I'm not too impressed. I was hoping for cheap stuff. We find a department store in the basement, similar to a Target and buy a stroller, pajamas and sippy cups. Ethan really needs shoes because his are several sizes too small and bruising his feet, but they don't have his size.

After a short walk back to the hotel, about 10 minutes, we are ready for bed. It's another day when we are really exhausted.

Linyi City

I knew this would be a hard day. We have a four hour drive to the city of the orphange. Driving in China is quite an experience. Many people drive on the shoulder as if it is a lane. Passing across a double yellow on a large highway is acceptable. Speed limits? I'm not sure they have them. I have never been in a car driving so fast, even when Rob was in high school! That's saying something for those of you who knew my husband in his younger days :) At one point, the road was under construction. We drove around on a gravel road, over some concrete blocks. It was very different. The scenery was very pretty. The mountains are beautiful but covered with pollution. On our first trip to China, friends called it "fog with smell." Along the highway, we drove by some very poor villages.

Linyi is a big city, but not as clean and new as Beijing. Everything seemed to be falling apart. I can't describe it exactly. We had hot pot for lunch, an individual pot of water, kind of like fondue but boiling water or broth. You put your own vegetables and meat in to cook. Once we got the hot pots going, the room got really warm and I was glad for that. It was very good. We are enjoying Ethan today. We have had a long time in the car together. He's very attached to Rob this day.

After lunch, we have a hard time finding the police station. Evidently, they have a new building somewhere else. So, we begin driving to a different part of the city. Once we arrive, both boys have fallen asleep. Rob gets out of the van holding sleeping Ethan. The director comes up and grabs him from his arms. The poor little guy falls asleep in Daddy's arms and wakes up back with his nanny. Now, I'm more than annoyed. I am sincerely glad that she is attached to our son and it has made his transition easier in the long run, but I think it would be good for him to get the impression that we are okay to be with. At the police station, we apply for Ethan's Chinese passport, something we need before we can go on to Ghaungzhou. At this point, I am so ready to leave Shandong.

After we finish the paperwork, the director tries to sneak away from Ethan so that he won't cry. This is the last goodbye. Rob has always had a thing about sneaking out. When all of our kids were little and it's mom's turn to go to the store and get out for the morning, I prefer to sneak away and not hear the crying. Rob always insists that he stand in the driveway and wave goodbye. He doesn't think people should disappear. So, Rob and Ethan stand outside the police station and wave goodbye. When we get back in the van, Ethan is emotionally exhausted. I can see in his eyes that he is confused and sad. It hurts me so much to see it. This was the hardest day, not just because of the drive, but because of Ethan's grief. He sleeps the rest of the way home and all night. My heart is breaking for him.